#1137 - Duncan Trussell

Joe Rogan (0:03)

Riders on the storm, doom, doom, doom, doom. I'm teaching Duncan the ways of a Windows laptop.

Duncan Trussell (0:11)

I fucking love it.

Joe Rogan (0:12)

Max keyboards can go fuck themselves.

Those are terrible keyboards. They're not designed for comfort and writing. This whole idea of get it thinner, man. Get it thinner and thinner. Get it so it's a piece of paper, and it magically unfolds and expands the right side.

This is not too thick.

How come they can do it? How come you guys can't do it? How come you only offer one shitty ass fucking keyboard? Find out if you're MacBook qualified for Apple's keyboard repair program. I don't want you to repair the same shitty keyboard. I want you to make a real keyboard where you have like, it's got a little bit of a U shape to it, where your finger goes into the center. What is that called? How do they describe that?

And the keys have like a little bit of a dip to them in the middle. You feel where they are. Yeah, dimpled perhaps. You feel where they are. They have travel, so your fingers know what's going on. You get tactile feedback, more tactile feedback than this little clickety click thing, which might as well be, you might as well be doing it on an iPad. You know how you have an iPad keyboard? And it kind of works, but it kind of doesn't, because your fingers are all feeling the same thing every time.

Duncan Trussell (1:23)

Sure.

Joe Rogan (1:24)

You want individual buttons. It gives you individual feedback, so you don't have to think about what's happening. You can just think about the words.

Duncan Trussell (1:30)

It feels like this. They hired an alien at Apple that forgot that humans like to push buttons. We like it. It feels good. It feels good. They're ignoring like a basic human trait, which is like, have you seen those dumb cubes nervous people get? They've got like buttons and shit and you spin it around.

It was the same thing as this thing. It gives you this tactile little thing where you take all that extra energy and you put it in your stress ball. People like to punch and press and click and switch, and that's what Apple forgot. It's like when I'm typing, man, I like that click, click, click. I like in The Shining.

When you hear click, click, click, that means I'm typing. I like the sound, the flutter of the keys as you're writing. That fucking Apple keyboard, man. When I went in, I was so ready to buy a brand new MacBook Pro. So excited, really excited.

Mine's from 2014 or 2015

I mean, not to be a fucking Apple fanboy, but I will say that when I went in there with it, instead of trying to sell me the new MacBook, she looked at it and was like, what are you doing on the thing? And I'm like, oh, I edit sound. And she was like, I don't know that you even need a new one outside of the fact that it's new.

Joe Rogan (2:56)

Whoever you are, young lady, Odin blesses you.

Duncan Trussell (3:00)

Odin blesses you.

Joe Rogan (3:02)

Odin blesses you for your truth.

Duncan Trussell (3:04)

Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan (3:05)

And for your wisdom.

Duncan Trussell (3:06)

Dude, I was so shocked.

Joe Rogan (3:10)

We don't need this computing power.

Duncan Trussell (3:15)

I was stunned, man, because that moment has made me perpetually love Apple, because they're training their employees not to pressure sell shit, but just to actually help.

Joe Rogan (3:25)

They probably were out of stock.

She couldn't sell you one anyway. She was like, dude, you don't even want one.

Duncan Trussell (3:32)

She's probably quitting.

She's quitting. She's sick of her job. For the last four days, she's been telling everyone, no matter what they came in to buy, she's like, you don't need this.

Joe Rogan (3:41)

Her boss has been saying creepy shit to her. She's been ready to quit for a while. He's an asshole.

Duncan Trussell (3:46)

Yeah, yeah, no, okay, Mark.

Okay, I'm going to go out in the floor, Mark.

Jessica, I've noticed your sales have gone to zero.

Joe Rogan (3:52)

Hey, move those new laptops, will you?

Duncan Trussell (3:55)

Yeah, sure, Mark.

Joe Rogan (3:59)

Mark's got a creepy wink.

Duncan Trussell (4:00)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (4:01)

Can you get away with that at work? What can you do now? If you're like, hey, Suzy, make sure you have that copy done to personnel by two.

No, can't do that. Definitely can't do the gun.