1000th Episode Special

**Al Murray** (0:09)
Achtung, Achtung, Jim, that's what we used to say.

**James Holland** (0:11)
Yes, yes.

**Al Murray** (0:12)
We still do occasionally.

**James Holland** (0:12)
Danger, danger.

**Al Murray** (0:13)
Exactly. Alarm, alarm.

**James Holland** (0:15)
Fire in the hole.

**Al Murray** (0:16)
Fire in the hole and all that. Welcome, everyone, to the 1000th episode of We Have Ways of Making You Talk with me, Al Murray, and James Holland. If you've listened to all 1000, you don't know who we are by now, something's gone horribly wrong, isn't it, Jim?

**James Holland** (0:27)
Yeah, but you know, I mean, it just goes to show what a completely bottomless pit the Second World War is.

**Al Murray** (0:32)
Yes, I mean, that I think is probably our opening thought and will be our final thought. We've now run longer than the greatest conflict the world has ever known.

**James Holland** (0:42)
Yes, Rachel has made this point several times.

**Al Murray** (0:47)
But I think it's very appropriate that we sat here at your festival, Chalk History Festival, because we started in my kitchen, didn't we? So we got a tiny acorns to Mighty Oak's story here.

**James Holland** (0:58)
Yes, and in your kitchen, we were thinking, well, what are we going to do? Every episode, we'll have a little artifact, and we'll talk about that, and then we'll structure it really carefully.
You showed me a little bit of Spitfire Spa. I can't remember what I had.

**Al Murray** (1:12)
You brought a radio.

**James Holland** (1:13)
Did I?

**Al Murray** (1:14)
You brought a great big funk. Episode 1, Jim brought the funk, literally, in the form of his folks funk, wasn't it? Your German people's radio.

**James Holland** (1:26)
But we should talk about how it all came about in the first place.

**Al Murray** (1:28)
You tell your story, then I'll tell mine. We'll see how they compare. That's history.

**James Holland** (1:34)
So I was trying to raise money for a film that didn't get made of a pair of silver wings, a novel I wrote ages ago. We had this big fundraising junket at the RAF club. A great friend of mine, Nick, brought Tony Pastor there.

**Al Murray** (1:52)
Yeah, tiny Tony.

**James Holland** (1:54)
Tiny Tony.

**Tony Pastor** (1:55)
My name is Tony Pastor. I am the co-founder of Goalhanger and I came up with the idea for We Have Ways of Making You Talk.

**Al Murray** (2:04)
I was at Ascot the other day and someone won a load of money on a horse called To Bob Tony that I decided not to bet on because I thought it would be disrespectful to Tony of Goalhanger. And actually, on reflection, it would have been the right thing to do. And I don't want a whole heap of cash. Anyway.

**James Holland** (2:17)
Anyway, so Tony, Tony came along to that at the RAF club and he had, he's half Maltese or quarter Maltese or something. Anyway, he's got some Maltese heritage.

**Tony Pastor** (2:25)
My grandmother was a Maltese girl in the Second World War and she married a British soldier, my grandfather, who was stationed there with the Hampshire Regiment for three years. They got married while he was there and he then went off for the invasion of Sicily and she moved to the UK and arrived on D-Day.

**James Holland** (2:45)
He had just read my book, Fortress Malta.

**Al Murray** (2:48)
Yeah.

**James Holland** (2:48)
And he was really into Second World War, but his background was in sport and he'd set up this company called Goalhanger Films with Gary Lineker to make kind of bits in between on programs of big sporting occasions. It's the big match and beforehand they have all the VTs and all the rest of it. They were doing all that and they were doing bold matches and stuff as well.

**Al Murray** (3:09)
I met Tony two World Cups ago, eight years ago at a junket where they were launching a bunch of Goalhanger's films about the history of the World Cup. So there was one about the 1970s dictators, the South American dictators in the World Cup. And then another one about Maradona on the Hand of God.

**James Holland** (3:27)
Yes.

**Al Murray** (3:28)
And I was comparing that and I met Tony at that. So he was sort of, he was sort of, you know. He was in your orbit? I think he was on the radar rather than the orbit.
We weren't caught in each other's gravitational field.

**James Holland** (3:41)
Chain home or chain home low?

**Al Murray** (3:43)
Chain home.

**James Holland** (3:44)
Yeah, OK. Still forming up over.

**Al Murray** (3:45)