#1000 - Joey Diaz & Tom Segura

SPEAKER_1 (0:05)

Two, five, four, three, two, yee-haw!

Joe Rogan (0:13)

We're live, ladies and gentlemen. A thousand episodes.

Tom Segura, Joey motherfucking Diaz. We're delayed in starting, ladies and gentlemen. We did not have a lighter.

Tom Segura (0:23)

That was a real panic set in here.

Joe Rogan (0:24)

That's embarrassing.

Tom Segura (0:26)

I thought some shit was really going to go down.

Joey Diaz (0:28)

But thank God, I am petrified of earthquakes and situations. I don't put slippers on, I sleep with sneakers on.

SPEAKER_5 (0:36)

Do you have a generator?

Joey Diaz (0:38)

I got a generator, dog.

Joe Rogan (0:39)

Do you store water?

Joey Diaz (0:40)

Water, tools, I got two weapons. I got an AR-15.

Tom Segura (0:45)

Have you been out here for an earthquake?

Joey Diaz (0:47)

One of them that didn't scare me, but I was just sitting by the computer and I was looking at the cat bowls.

Tom Segura (0:53)

Yeah.

Joey Diaz (0:54)

You get high and I was looking at the cats and I was looking at the cat bowls and all of a sudden, the whole building tipped.

I saw the cat bowls up in the air spinning and the cats running for their lives. They were acting weird a couple seconds before that and that's why I go, why are they so fucked up?

Joe Rogan (1:10)

Oh, they were acting weird before the earthquake.

Joey Diaz (1:12)

Before the earthquake.

SPEAKER_1 (1:13)

They say animals can figure things.

Joey Diaz (1:14)

They sensed it. So I started looking at the cat bowls.

What the fuck is going on that they're doing that? All of a sudden, dog, I just saw the cat bowls. It's like a cartoon up in the air spinning, the earthquake and the whole building shifted. I heard the bricks, the whole thing. I thought about it being at night, sleep apnea. You got to have a conveyor, whatever the fuck.

And they saw like for 600, you get one with everything, lights, an iron, it fucking cleans your water.

Tom Segura (1:41)

You have to have this shit. You panic about what earthquakes are like before you move here. I remember the first week I was here, I was in an apartment in Sherman Oaks and I was standing at the kitchen counter of this person's apartment on their laptop doing like sending an email and I felt a little and I go in my head, I go, oh, that's the subway.

And I kept typing and then he goes, you feel that? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, crazy, right? That's the earth shake underneath your feet and I was like, oh, and it's like a panic sets in. You're like, oh my God, like I've actually experienced the earth moving now. And then the next step is like when you are, you're like if you're asleep and then you hear like you feel the dresser, you hear the dresser, you know, or or something that's hanging on your wall bumping, you're like, what's going on? It takes you that extra beat to figure out you're going through an earthquake.

Joe Rogan (2:31)

That extra beat is fucked. It's fucked.

SPEAKER_6 (2:33)

How many have you been through?

Joe Rogan (2:34)

Nothing big, but like fives, 5.5s, a couple of those. The first one I was in was an aftershock of the Northridge earthquake. I was staying in North Hollywood and I was in this shitty apartment. It was made out of like fucking the same boxes that they used like to ship refrigerators in. Like literally, the walls, when the earthquake hit, the walls just went like this.

I mean, like the whole thing was just like a giant was pushing on the house.

Tom Segura (2:59)

Scary as fuck, right?

Joe Rogan (3:00)

Yeah. Well, it's humbling.

Tom Segura (3:02)

Yeah.

Joe Rogan (3:02)

Because you realize like this is nothing. This isn't chewing up the street. This isn't knocking over any houses.

Imagine what it felt like when that big one hit and it hit for 30 seconds. 30 seconds is so long to feel the ground moving. That's why those people moved to Boulder.

Joey Diaz (3:19)

Well, that's why. I was just going to say that.

When you have that experience, there's some people that because for a few days after North Bridge, there was aftershocks. Yeah. And there's people that one day look at their kids and go, I'm not going through this again. I work in Wilshire. I work in Wilshire. I'm a big building.

What if?

SPEAKER_6 (3:38)

What if I was in that fucking building?

Joey Diaz (3:41)

So a lot of people just abandon. That's what everybody's waiting for, an earthquake here because then people leave and they sell their houses for dirt cheap, like fuck it, we're out.