Unlearn Negative Thoughts & Behaviors Patterns | Dr. Alok Kanojia

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (0:00)
Everyone's focused on changing behavior. Everyone's focused on increasing willpower to overcome this tendency. And it's like, why not just change the tendency? That sounds so simple, but that's literally what we do in psychotherapy every day. When we come in and someone has a narcissistic personality disorder, this is personality, this is who they are. And we can psychotherapize them to be someone else, for their natural thoughts to change, for the way that they see the world to change, for their behaviors to change on its own. It doesn't require... Willpower is necessary when you are trying to not be narcissistic. It is not necessary when you are no longer narcissistic. So we've done it in psychotherapy. We know that if your self-esteem changes, if your sense of being changes, treatment refractory depression will change. Trauma, PTSD will change.

**Andrew Huberman** (0:51)
Welcome to the Huberman Lab Podcast, where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life.
I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. My guest today is Dr. Alok Kanojia, also known as Dr. K. Dr. K is a psychiatrist and online mental health educator. He has a very unique background, having trained and earned his medical degree in the United States, but also having studied as a monk for seven years. Today, we discuss powerful tools for increasing your self-understanding and mental health, and for rewiring your nervous system, specifically how you can unlearn unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors and replace them with ones that truly serve you and those around you. Much of today's discussion centers around differences between Eastern and Western concepts of things like the ego and what makes up our self-concept. That portion of the conversation will no doubt have you rethinking why you do what you do in virtually everything, and he provides a roadmap for clearly defining your best goals and for increasing things like your energy and drive, not through hacks, but by tapping into deep intrinsic motivation. In fact, throughout today's episode, Dr. K explains specific practices that you can use to help rewire your nervous system, resolve traumas, and come to a much clearer understanding of how best to apply your efforts in work, school and relationships. We also discuss social media, dating and relationships, addiction and pornography. So there are a lot of topics covered. And I have to say, this is a conversation unlike any other that I've had on or off the podcast. Dr. K offers a completely new perspective on how to resolve common struggles that we all face. And in doing so, he offers a lot of practical tools. So this should be a very valuable conversation for anyone wishing to better understand themselves at the theoretical and psychological level, but also who wishes to implement specific tools to improve some or all aspects of their life. Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is, however, part of my desire and effort to bring zero cost to consumer information about science and science-related tools to the general public. In keeping with that theme, today's episode does include sponsors. And now for my discussion with Dr. Alok Kanojia. Dr. K, welcome.

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (3:10)
Andrew Huberman, thank you for having me.

**Andrew Huberman** (3:12)
So interested in you and the knowledge you hold. Today, we're going to talk about a number of things. I mean, Ayurveda and East-West medicine, motivation and dopamine. But I want to start with the internet.

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (3:27)
Okay.

**Andrew Huberman** (3:27)
You had an interesting upbringing, so very different than mine, not just because of our age difference. But you grew up on the internet. And so you really have an empathy for people on the internet, on social media. Now everyone's on the internet. What was it that drew you to screens and that interface with such a degree of magnetism?

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (3:53)
You know, I was like a gifted kid growing up. And I think that one of the things that we don't really appreciate is how school moves at the pace of the slowest kid. So school was incredibly boring for me. And then I was also young, so I was a year ahead.
And so I was like early on when I was a five-year-old in first grade and I was competing against seven-year-olds like on the playground or in gym class. I sucked at sports. So the one thing that I really got addicted to was this idea of like a computer game where like when you beat level one, like level two is there, you know? And then if you beat level two, like level three is there. If you fail at level three, you get to try level three again. So it was the only activity that was like cognitively to my pacing. And so that really drew me in. And I didn't realize that until years later. You know, my parents were big fans of putting us into school like young. And if you can skip grades, like that's great, right? Because life is a race. And the faster you finish, the better things are. But I didn't realize how developmentally challenging it is to be like a five-year-old or a six-year-old in school with like seven-year-olds or eight-year-olds. So, I think that's what originally drew me in.