The Other Man

**SPEAKER_1** (0:00)
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**Ira Glass** (0:16)
When Sarah was a kid, the number of movie stars who came to stay at their house was exactly one, and it was kind of a disaster. Robert Redford ended up at their house because he had heard about a book that Sarah's stepfather was writing, about Leonard Peltier of the American Indian Movement. It was still just a manuscript, and the stepfather didn't want to send copies of it around, so he told Redford that the only way that Redford could read it is if he would do it at their house in Long Island. Redford agreed. Sarah says the atmosphere in the house when he arrived was completely different from any other time in her childhood.

**Sarah Koenig** (0:47)
I remember mostly my mother consciously trying to be very charming and being very charming, and talking to him a lot, and asking all sorts of questions, and laughing a lot at what he said, and kind of flitting about the house in a way that I hadn't remembered her doing before.

**Ira Glass** (1:11)
When Robert Redford told stories, even the simplest story about his trip to the house, her parents nodded and smiled along with an enthusiasm. The stories did not necessarily seem to merit to 11-year-old Sarah.

**Sarah Koenig** (1:22)
I was really, I was sullen and I think I was making a really concerted effort not to be impressed. You know, now, 20 years later, I think I was jealous that he was suddenly the star of the house, whereas I was used to being the star of the house. I was the youngest kid and, you know, I was sort of the one who amused my parents and, you know, here was this stranger coming in who had, you know, usurped my role.
And I remember when he came in, poor guy, the first night, my mother made this special dinner, and we ate in the kitchen, we had this big wooden table. And it was definitely fancier than usual, or like one more course than we usually had. Maybe we had an appetizer or something, which we never normally had. And she had put down these placemats that were, we only brought them out on special occasions. You know, it all looked really festive and nice. And so he sits down and we start eating, and Robert Redford says, oh, do you always eat like this? This is so nice. And I said, no. And my mother at the same time said, yes, we do. It was bad, and then another thing happened where the seats at that table were these benches. So I was sitting on the same bench as Robert Redford, and I started rocking, you know, kind of rocking. Knowing, like partly unconsciously, because I kind of always did that, but also just knowing, I'm sure, that it would be highly irritating to whoever's sitting on the bench with you. So there, poor Robert Redford was rocking back and forth, trying to eat his dinner, and my mother said, Sarah, stop rocking, you know, and sort of scolded me in front of Robert Redford.

**Ira Glass** (3:29)
The next day, a friend of Sarah's from down the street asked if she could come over and meet the houseguest.

**Sarah Koenig** (3:34)
So she comes over and she's, you know, she reacts the way you are supposed to react. Like she's just, you know, her eyes are open wide, and she's just smiling and talking, you know, and saying, I'm such a fan and I love your movies, and can I have your autograph? And he's delighted, you know, finally someone is showing the proper protocol. And he's like, yeah, sure. Yeah. Hey. And my mother's standing there, smiling, you know, and how sweet. And she says, Sarah, would you also like his autograph? And I said, no.
And that was like the crowning blow.

**Ira Glass** (4:12)
Well, it's like, it's like, it's like somehow, like if you picture your family is like this little solar system in and of itself, like with its own set of normal gravitational fields and all that suddenly, like, like, I don't even know what, like another star, another planet entered in, right? It completely shifted everyone's orbit away from the way it normally is.

**Sarah Koenig** (4:31)
Right. And I couldn't handle it. All my behavior, I think, was aimed at trying to get it back to the way I had wanted it or the way I was comfortable.