The Manipulation Expert: How to Spot Hidden Manipulators & Take Your Power Back

**Mel Robbins** (0:00)
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast.
Have you noticed that nowadays people just throw words around, like, oh, this person's toxic, that person's a narcissist, this person's a psychopath, as if it's nothing.
But these words do mean something very specific.
And our expert today is going to take you and me into the world of dark personalities. Because what she calls poisonous people aren't just the subjects of true crime investigation or sitting in jails. They're in boardrooms. They're in public office. You might encounter them in your living room or at work. Dr. Leanne ten Brinke is here in our Boston studios. She runs the Truth and Trust Lab at the University of British Columbia, where she is a professor of Forensic Psychology. She spent two decades studying manipulators, chronic liars, and dark personalities. Because there will always be people who don't want peace. They want control, chaos. They want you confused. And you know what? They don't care when you're upset.
This episode is not about labeling people as toxic. It's about something very specific and important.
How to spot dark personality traits in other people. And when you do see these toxic traits, exactly what you should do. And more importantly, what you should not do when you encounter someone like this. And if in listening to this, you recognize that you or someone you love is in a relationship with someone with a dark personality, she has specific recommendations for how to extract yourself or how to support someone you love or who needs to. What you're going to learn today will help you protect yourself because as you know, you can't change and control their people. But you can recognize who you're dealing with and become strategic in how you approach them. And that is the first step to reducing the stress and pain they can cause in your life.
Hey, it's summer, which means you're on the run and maybe you need some new socks. Check out our sponsor, Bombas. They make the comfiest summer staples and they have a whole line of pro-level, sport-specific socks for golf, yoga, the gym, and for every kind of runner. Plus, for every item you purchase, an essential clothing item is donated to someone facing housing insecurity. One of the reasons why I love Bombas. Head over to bombas.com/mel and use code Mel for 20 percent off your first purchase. That's bombas.com/mel, code Mel at checkout. With the Venturex Business Card from Capital One, you earn unlimited double miles on every purchase. Plus, big purchasing power means you can spend more and earn more. The Capital One Venturex Business Card, what's in your wallet? Terms apply, see capitalone.com for details. This episode is brought to you by Peacock and the new original series, The Five Star Weekend. Jennifer Garner stars as Hollis Shaw, a famed cook who invites her best friends to the Nantucket after a devastating loss changes her life. As boundaries are pushed, friendships are tested, and secrets are exposed, cracks begin to emerge in her picture-perfect life. Based on the best-selling novel by Ellen Hildebrand, this A-list ensemble also stars Darcy Carden, Gemma Chan, Regina Hall, and Chloe Sevigny. The 5-star weekend is streaming July 9th, only on Pinkcock.
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. I am thrilled that you're here. I'm so excited about this topic. It's such an honor to be together and to spend this time with you. And if you're new here, or somebody sent this episode with you, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to The Mel Robbins Podcast family. Dr. Leanne Brinke is here to teach you and me how to spot a truly toxic person and what to look for and what to do. Dr. ten Brinke is a bestselling author who earned her PhD in psychology from the University of British Columbia, where she is also a professor and the director of the Truth and Trust Lab. She studies the patterns behind manipulation, gaslighting, chronic lying, and why a small number of people can cause so much damage in relationships, workplaces and in positions of power. So what can forensic psychology teach us about the dark personalities that you encounter in your day-to-day life? That is exactly what she's here to teach you today. Please help me welcome Dr. Leanne Ten Brinke to The Mel Robbins Podcast.

**Leanne ten Brinke** (4:52)
Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

**Mel Robbins** (4:54)
I am so excited that you flew in all the way from British Columbia. Because I am fascinated by your field of expertise and your research, and our team devoured your best-selling book Poisonous People.