The Male Psychology Doctor: “There Is A Crisis Going On With Men!", “We’ve Produced Millions Of Lonely, Addicted Males!”, “The Ugly Truth About What’s Really Behind Toxic Masculinity”

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (0:00)
This is super scary. 50% of men who kill themselves have no history or evidence of mental illness. What causes people to kill themselves is they try to connect with others and they get rejected.
I can feel the hurt. I can feel the loss.

**Steven Bartlett** (0:20)
Dr. Alok Kanojia is a psychiatrist, Harvard Medical School instructor, real-life monk who uses his own addictive past to help millions of people improve their own mental health.

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (0:30)
Everyone is getting screwed, but there's a crisis with men. People telling us that being a man means that you're toxic, that there's a patriarchy, that your testosterone level makes you violent. So men are struggling right now, and the rest of the world says, no, you're not.
You're privileged. And these people have been literally killing themselves because no one has been listening to them, except there is one group of people who says your life sucks.
And that's these toxic masculine people. And these guys say, I will show you a way to make it better. And that's when things go bad. And this, by the way, is how people wind up with addiction. Because when you look at addiction, what happens is we use a substance or a technology as an antidote to pain. So I've worked with people who have pornography addiction, for example, that will have work on one screen, and they will literally have pornography on the second screen.

**Steven Bartlett** (1:15)
You're joking?

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (1:15)
No, very common. And this is where there's a big problem in the world today.

**Steven Bartlett** (1:19)
Now you've got this young generation of women as well that are exploding in their suicidality. Loneliness seems to be getting worse and worse. What is the remedy to this?

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (1:26)
So this is something that's very important to understand. Everyone who is listening to this podcast needs to...

**Steven Bartlett** (1:33)
Quick one, quick favour to ask from you. There is one simple way that you can support our show, and that is by hitting that follow button on this app that you're listening to the show on right now. This year in 2024, we're trying really, really hard to level up everything we're doing. And the only free thing I'll ever ask from you is to hit that follow button on this app. It helps this show more than I could probably articulate, and it allows us, enables us to keep doing what we're doing here. I appreciate it dearly.
On to the show.

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (2:00)
Bye.

**Steven Bartlett** (2:10)
With all of your work and all of the content you've produced, if someone's just clicked on this podcast now, what do you think they're gonna get out of this conversation? What do you think they're gonna walk away with?

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (2:23)
I hope what they'll walk away with is the realization that you are the instrument of your life. And understanding that fundamental instrument that you use to live your life, your body, your mind, will ultimately help you accomplish whatever you want.

**Steven Bartlett** (2:40)
And what is the opposite mindset to that?
To understanding that you're the instrument of your life? What is the typical mindset that people have that go through their lives without the realization that they are the instrument of their life?

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (2:50)
I think it's assuming that something outside of them will fix things inside of them, right? So people will think like, okay, if I get a promotion, then I'll be happy. If I date this person, then I will be happy. If I have this amount of money, I will be happy.
Everyone assumes that things outside of you will fix things inside of you.

**Steven Bartlett** (3:12)
Why is this subject close to home for you?

**Dr. Alok Kanojia** (3:17)
Because I used to believe that. So I struggled a lot. I mean, I'm by all definitions of the word an absolute failure.
I failed out of college, was finished school at the age of 35 or 36 You know, it took me a long time to kind of get on my feet and figure out what I was doing in my life. And I realized that like the reason that I was screwing up so much is because I always thought that accomplishing something outside of me or achieving some kind of goal would make me happy. And I didn't understand that all of my problems came from me. I also blamed all kinds of things outside of me. So I would blame circumstances. I would blame my professor is biased.
This girl is, you know, she doesn't see the goodness that I have in me. She can't recognize how awesome I am. So I kept on blaming things outside of me instead of accepting responsibility.