New Episode Out on Patreon

**SPEAKER_1** (0:00)
Oh my God, how long was I in the bathroom when we, at the restaurant? So long. 20 minutes, at the restaurant. The moment I took my last bite, I was like, hmm?

**SPEAKER_2** (0:09)
Yeah.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:10)
I had to go immediately.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:11)
Yep.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:11)
That was Bad News Bears. I should have wrote that girl and been like, not a good recommendation.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:16)
Yeah.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:16)
My stomach, the moment I finished my eggs, I was like, hmm, I think this is, I think this is bad.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:24)
Are you being real?

**SPEAKER_1** (0:25)
We both.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:25)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:26)
It was pretty tough.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:26)
That was at that restaurant. Mine was prolonged.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:28)
His was, his was an hour later.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:30)
Yeah. Was yours loose or did you have to?

**SPEAKER_1** (0:33)
Dude.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:34)
I want to know the consistency.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:37)
You ever been to Niagara Falls?

**SPEAKER_2** (0:39)
Now I get it.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:39)
Identical.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:40)
I understand.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:40)
Identical.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:41)
I understand, yeah. I do Pompeii.
Yeah, yeah, mine are Pompeii, but you do a Niagara Falls.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:46)
Niagara.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:46)
Yeah, mine's an explosion.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:48)
Dude, that reminds me.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:49)
Well, let me just, I want to add on to the poop.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:51)
Go, yeah, more poop stuff.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:52)
Yeah, yeah, so last night, I'm having dinner with my friend Jean.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:56)
Hong.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:57)
And Andrea Jinn hangs out.

**SPEAKER_1** (0:59)
Jinn.

**SPEAKER_2** (0:59)
Yeah, and we're sitting there, we're eating at a nice Korean barbecue, right? And she's sort of like repositioning.

**SPEAKER_1** (1:07)
Shifting.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:08)
She's shifting.

**SPEAKER_1** (1:09)
Shit-shifting.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:09)
Yeah, she is like titanic plates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like the world is doing.

**SPEAKER_1** (1:15)
And by the way, it's gonna break eventually.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:17)
Yeah, exactly.

**SPEAKER_1** (1:18)
Those plates keep touching each other.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:19)
There's also like icebergs detaching from, you know, there's some stuff going on here. But anyway, let's get back to.
I'm an environmentalist.

**SPEAKER_1** (1:30)
I like it.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:30)
But like, I really am. You are. Super Alvinio, the whole thing. All right. Anyway, things are shifting. But my point is this, she's shifting in her chair and I go, you got, she hit?
And she's like, I do. I go, well, they have a bathroom here. And she goes, I don't do public bathrooms.

**SPEAKER_1** (1:47)
Oh, I know that, yeah.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:48)
And I go, you live pretty far away.
She's like, I know, I just, I'm fine. I go, no, I can tell when people are shifting.

**SPEAKER_1** (1:55)
You can tell a shit shift.

**SPEAKER_2** (1:56)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, you have eight minutes. It's going to break away.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:01)
You see the doomsday clock?

**SPEAKER_2** (2:02)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she goes, you're right. And she just gets up, gets in her car. And then when she texted me later, she goes, I was right on time.
And I knew the shifts. You know what I mean? I know about environmental shifts. I also know about shit shifts.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:16)
Eight minutes.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:17)
Yeah, eight minutes. She got raced home. You've been there.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:20)
Oh my God.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:22)
The timing is like, if it was a second, you know what I mean? Later, it would have been a disaster.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:27)
Yes.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:27)
Yeah.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:28)
Chernobyl.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:29)
Chernobyl.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:30)
It would have been the end of the end of the end. I did that on the way from the airport. I threw up in my front yard. I got all the way to the house, got out of my car.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:39)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:39)
And my dog came out.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:40)
Yeah, they're confused about it.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:42)
They have no idea why you throw up. When you throw up in front of a dog, they do, they go like this.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:46)
Yeah. Why do people leave Chernobyl?

**SPEAKER_1** (2:49)
Yeah, what, they shouldn't have taken off?

**SPEAKER_2** (2:51)
I'm just saying.

**SPEAKER_1** (2:52)
Stick around.

**SPEAKER_2** (2:52)
No.