Nature or nurture? What is behind the ‘Eldest Daughter Syndrome’

**Yip Wai Yee** (0:02)
This is a podcast by The Straits Times.

**Li Xueying** (0:11)
Hi, I'm Li Xueying, and welcome to Asian Insider.
I speak to The Straits Times Taiwan correspondent, Yip Wai Yee, about the eldest daughter syndrome, the sense of responsibility that first born girls, such as ourselves, carry. Hello Wai Yee, welcome to the show.

**Yip Wai Yee** (0:36)
Hi, thanks for having me.

**Li Xueying** (0:38)
Yes, so Wai Yee, you wrote about the eldest daughter syndrome in Taiwan recently, and I must share for our listeners here that that was one of the most well-read stories in The Straits Times, the day it was published, and it's clearly resonated with so many of our readers, and I suspect that quite a few of them are actually eldest daughters themselves, for whom the article affirms something, the sense of responsibility that they carry about their family. So were you surprised by that, Wai Yee?

**Yip Wai Yee** (1:06)
I have to say not really, because even as I was writing it, I think there was some interest in, I was asking colleagues in the newsroom about, whether they've heard of this, or what do they know about this phenomenon? And the amount of discussion that was generated, so I was really not surprised by the fact that readers were interested, because I think a lot of people could relate. And frankly, the reason I got into writing the story in the first place was because I'm an eldest daughter myself.

**Li Xueying** (1:33)
Oh my gosh, so am I. Yes.

**Yip Wai Yee** (1:36)
I've been seeing some chatter about this book in Taiwan about the subject, and I was naturally interested in it, because some of the things that the author was saying, I could feel like, hey, that's stuff that I'm going through as well. And yeah, so that's how I have to say I was not surprised.

**Li Xueying** (1:54)
So I guess the book really spoke to you yourself personally.

**Yip Wai Yee** (1:56)
Yeah, definitely.

**Li Xueying** (1:58)
What were some of the key arguments that the book makes that really affirms the way you feel and think as an oldest daughter?

**Yip Wai Yee** (2:07)
So honestly, for a long time, I've been feeling quite a sense of guilt. I live in Taiwan, and my family is in Singapore. So I've been feeling a bit guilty.

**Li Xueying** (2:16)
I'm so sorry, Auntie and Uncle.

**Yip Wai Yee** (2:19)
Yeah, sending me away. But I've been feeling quite guilty about it. Actually, it made me want to do more research about this. I guess I was not the only one that has been feeling such these emotions and this sense of responsibility over your family members. When the book started getting onto the bestseller list in Taiwan, and now that I've interviewed the author, she was saying, so Eldon Starr syndrome obviously is not an actual medical condition, but it is just this phenomenon where the first born girls typically tend to take on quite the emotional load in the family, and they are natural caregivers or they feel a sense of responsibility to maybe take care of their younger siblings, or when they get older, their aging parents as well.
All of these can also, it's not just at home, but it can go into the workplace, for example, or in daily life. And it completely shapes the way they behave and respond to a lot of things. So they tend to be people pleasers, and they can't say no.

**Li Xueying** (3:24)
And you do say no to me.

**Yip Wai Yee** (3:30)
Setting boundaries, Jane, setting boundaries.

**Li Xueying** (3:32)
Excellent. Yes.

**Yip Wai Yee** (3:34)
Yes.
But I think also, I think some first born girls, I don't know if you feel the same, but there is a sense of like, it's this complicated feeling of, you feel responsible and you want to help other people, or you want to do things for other people. But then you also feel some resentment that you feel like you're doing too much for other people. But then if you don't do enough, you feel guilty. So it's quite a complicated cycle, I think.

**Li Xueying** (3:57)
Yeah.

**Yip Wai Yee** (3:58)
But yeah, I think there are some things there where you have to learn to set boundaries, which is why I must say no sometimes.

**Li Xueying** (4:03)
Yes. Great.

**Yip Wai Yee** (4:05)
Yeah. So I don't know if you feel, what did you think about this?

**Li Xueying** (4:10)
I mean, it's interesting because as an elder daughter myself, I don't think that this necessarily applies to me because actually my younger brother does a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to the logistics of caring for my parents. But I would say that, and I'm not sure that if this is an agenda issue, but I think I would say that in terms of the emotional connection of my parents, in terms of trying to understand what they're thinking, or what's going through in their lives, maybe that's where I play a slightly bigger role.