Moment 62 - Mens Mental Health Isn't Talked About Enough, Here’s Why: Roman Kemp

**Steven Bartlett** (0:02)
Talk about toxic masculinity there. One of the things that's always associated with that is just men's lack of willingness to make a phone call to a friend and say, listen, I am not okay. And you also have been very open about the day where you were feeling like that, and your superwoman mother, once again, she called you coincidentally?

**Roman Kemp** (0:24)
Yeah, coincidentally. Well, it was kind of like, yeah, I went to call her and then like, I texted her a couple of times and then she just called me.

**Steven Bartlett** (0:32)
Because you were feeling bad, so you text her?

**Roman Kemp** (0:35)
Yeah. I mean, people will tell you this, but when you're in that zone, you know, if you're in an absolute spiral, everything goes into a right blur. All I know is that I was in my house and I was in my pants and I was, I could not stop crying and I couldn't stop worrying about everything and my head was going like a whirlwind. Like, I was worrying about stuff that wasn't even logical.

**Steven Bartlett** (0:58)
What was your brain telling you?

**Roman Kemp** (1:01)
I can't even describe it. Like, it's like the only way it feels like anything in my head that could have been a problem was a problem. Have you ever had like, you know, when you're hung over and well, like the next day, I don't know if you drink, but the next day, right, if you have a hangover, you have this like paranoia thing, like throughout, like stuff just makes you feel a little bit edgy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that but a million times. The only way also that I talk about it is like, it's like paranoia and it's like Mike, your brain becomes Mike Tyson and he's just beating you up. And you've not had one boxing lesson in your life. So you're just kind of like, you can't do anything. You're just taking it, right? And it's like, you would things like, you look bad, you've not done this, your tax bills, this, you're this, you're this, you're this, you're this, are you ever going to do this? You're never going to do this? Loads of like voices. And at that point, I just said to myself, you know, I can't, I don't know what to do. And the only thing I could think about was I was, okay, well, I'll just, I'll just, you know, take my own life. I'll just kill myself. That's how, honestly, how I felt. Cause I was like, that's the only way to stop this. Your whole mind just blanks. And that's the same thing that I've spoken to a lot of people that have attempted to take their own life. And they all say the same thing.
Those moments that you have are completely like just so intense that your mind goes, implodes and you don't even know. And that's why a lot of men will tell you that when they, you know, if they take it to that step, which is a huge step to decide, okay, I'm going to take my own life. A lot of men go, that was my happiest moment because I felt like in that time I was in control of my life, which is a really scary thought and a really sad thought. That they feel like the biggest amount of clarity that they've ever had in their life and the moment where they felt at peace was when they felt like, okay, I'm going to do this and everything will stop. But the problem is, is that that's not the answer. And it's really not. And when I speak to, you know, in the documentary, I speak to Jo's mum, keep in mind this is three months after her son has passed away. And she's had to be told that her son, who she's raised, has taken his own life. She sums it up in such an amazing way, which is kind of touching on a very dangerous topic of selfishness around suicide, which a lot of people don't want to talk about, but it's the truth, which is suicide isn't necessarily a selfish act by that person.
But the problem is, is that no matter what pain that person is feeling in that moment, no matter what pain you're going through in your head, or sadness, you do not get rid of that by taking your own life. All you are doing is you are transferring it to everyone around you. And you are transferring that. On average, 180 people get affected by one singular suicide. And that is what you are doing. And it's just a fact. You know, like for two months, I absolutely hated Joe. I hated him. After he died, I felt quite cold because I was just like, how could you do that? I felt like, how could you leave me, your mum, your dad, your sister? How could you do that? How could you let someone find you? Like, do you know what I mean? So it's in that that you realize that no matter how much that clarity is there, and you feel like you're escaping a problem, you are passing that on to someone else. And that's what's left behind you. And I know for a fact that I know like I would put so much money on that if he was here right now, he'd look at me and say, sorry, I made a mistake. 100%.