MFM Mini - The Way To Be Confident

**SPEAKER_1** (0:00)
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**Shaan** (0:34)
Growing up, I was never super confident. I was in a group, in my group of friends.
Let's say there were six of us. You had the kid who always got into trouble. He was always on an adventure. And then you had the class clown. Everybody loved that person because they were making everybody laugh. You had the person who was ambitious and they always got good grades, and they were always sort of top of the class and doing good in sports, that sort of thing. And then you had me. I was the friend who was like, I was just there to support all of them. I was just laughing. I was like a laugh track of a show. I wasn't even the character.
And I wasn't very confident. I didn't talk very much. And it all changed for me when 10th grade, I was living in Houston, Texas, and in 10th grade, my dad got a job in China. And so all of a sudden, we were moving to Beijing. And so pack up your bags. You're moving from Texas to China. And on the plane ride there, I remember my sister was talking to me, and she goes, how are you feeling about your new school? Are you excited, nervous, whatever? I was like, I don't know. It's kind of the same thing, probably just another school. It won't be too different. And she goes, well, it can be.
I go, what do you mean? And what she was trying to say was not the difference between China and Texas, but the difference between me in China and me in Texas. She goes, you know, none of these kids know you, so you have a kind of a fresh start. That's pretty cool. You can pretty much be whoever you want to be. You can be however you want to be. And I was like, what do you mean? She goes, well, think about in Houston, the kids in your school who are cool, right? I had this friend, Kane. I mean, even his name was cool. My friend, Kane Holderfield, he was one of the cool kids. Everybody loved him. And he was always having a good time.
And I used to see these other kids.
They were always having a good time. And one of the reasons why was they were very confident.
They were confident in themselves. And so they were relaxed. They weren't always worried about what other people were thinking of them. And I thought, man, that'd be great if I could be like that. I didn't know how. I didn't know how to be confident. And over time, I have learned the secret to confidence. I used to think, okay, here's what I originally thought. I used to think confidence was either something you just have or you don't. You're born with it. Okay, that was wrong.
When I moved to China and when I landed, after that flight, I ended up walking into school on the first day of school and I carried myself like Kane. I carried myself like Casey. I carried myself like they used to do. And I didn't know how to be confident. I didn't really understand it. I sort of faked it till you make it. But what I figured out was that confidence is not something you do directly, right? So confidence is not just puffing up your chest because that's bravado, right? That's confidence. It's easily deflated by reality.
A confident person is not just like a fearless person.
A confident person is confident as a byproduct of being adventurous. Let me tell you what I mean.
Over time, I figured out that all I needed to do was focus on being adventurous, putting myself in new, unfamiliar situations and going for it. If we were at a lake and there was a rope swing and I didn't know how to do the rope swing, I didn't know if I would land right, then I must do it, right? I got to lean into that adventure. If there was a group of girls at a bar I wanted to go talk to, but I didn't know what to say, I must go talk to them. I must lean into the adventure. And what I realized, one adventure after another, you sort of realize, well, if I keep putting myself in these positions, and then I come out the other side, and sometimes it works, sometimes it's good, and sometimes you belly flop, it doesn't work so well.