Mark Normand: A Joke About Cats

**Mark Normand** (0:03)
Hey, I like animals, I've ever had sex with one, but I'm a fan, much like Asians. And I'm a cat guy, I got a big cat at the house, my friends make fun of me. I like having a cat. I used to live with a heronact in college. Cat and a heronact, same roommate. Yeah, they both have crazy mood swings, they pass out anywhere, you catch them staring at you, at four in the morning, you just got to spray them with a squirt bottle, you know? Cats do not give a fuck. I read an article about a guy once, he tried to blow his brains out, and his dog actually knocked the pistol out of his hand. I was like, wow, I think my cat would load the fucking gun.
Cats are pricks. Dogs are at least helpful. They're in the police force, military, fire department. I've never seen a service cat. Even on a plane, it's an anxiety dog, cute little terrier. You see a cat on a plane, you're like, that's a terrorist. And I know everybody loves dogs. I know dogs are man's best friend. Until you have drugs at the airport, they'll ruin your life. Not a cat, they don't snitch. Cats are more like a shitty stepdad, right? They go out all night, they only come back to eat, and every now and then you wake up and they're in your bed.
This may? Okay. Watch Mark Normand, None Too Pleased, only on Netflix.