How to Rewire Your Attachment Style | Adam Lane Smith - EP 782

**John R. Miles** (0:00)
Coming up next on Passion Struck.

**Adam Lane Smith** (0:02)
Our family of origin maps out how we are going to function, so our caregivers train us to understand are people going to care about us and meet our needs or are we not worthy of that? Or are we not in a system where people have the capacity to care for each other and there's different ways that we can split from them. I think it was the novel Anna Karina where she said at the beginning, the author says, happy families are all exactly the same, but each unhappy family is unhappy and unique in their own similar, in their own special way. And that's what we're finding is you can have a lot of dysregulated families that map out to a lot of dysregulation, but there's only really one healthy pathway with variants, but one healthy pathway towards secure families that build real lasting connection.

**John R. Miles** (0:44)
Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles. This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters.
Each week, I sit down with change makers, creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who were capable of becoming. Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader, or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention, because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection, and impact is choosing to live like you matter.
Hello, friends, and welcome back to episode seven hundred and eighty two of Passion Struck. Have you ever looked back at a relationship and wondered how you ended up there again? Maybe it was another friendship where you felt taken for granted, another romantic relationship where the same arguments kept repeating, another workplace where you felt disconnected from the people around you. Or maybe you found yourself asking a deeper question, why do certain relationships feel safe while others leave us anxious, exhausted, or constantly questioning ourselves. Throughout our Connection Crisis series, we've been exploring why so many people feel disconnected from one another and from themselves. In my conversations last week with Greg McEwan and Marcus Buckingham, we examined why people need to feel understood, seen, valued, and significant in order to flourish. Then, in our last episode on Tuesday, Katie Morton helped us understand how childhood experiences create emotional blueprints that continue shaping our behavior long after we've forgotten where those patterns began. Today, we're taking that conversation one level deeper, because understanding your patterns is important. Understanding why those patterns keep showing up they change your life. My guest today is Adam Lane Smith, attachment specialist, relationship expert, and one of the leading voices helping people understand the hidden forces that shape how we connect with others. According to Adam, relationship chaos isn't random.
The ways we seek love, belonging, reassurance, approval, and safety are often driven by attachment patterns that were formed years or even decades earlier. Those patterns influence who we trust, who were attached to, how we handle conflict, and whether we feel secure or anxious in our closest relationships. In today's conversation, you'll learn why loneliness is rising despite unprecedented connectivity, why some people constantly seek reassurance while others withdraw when relationships become too intimate, and how attachment patterns affect everything from romantic relationships to parenting, leadership, and friendship. More importantly, you'll discover practical ways to build healthier relationships by understanding the hidden programming that may be running beneath the surface. If you've ever wondered why the same relationship challenges seem to follow you from one season of life to the next, today's conversation will give you a completely new lens through which to under stand them before we dive in. If this episode helps you better understand yourself or someone you care about, please share it with them. Taking a minute to leave a rating or review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts helps us continue reaching people. We're looking for healthier relationships and more meaningful lives, and don't forget to subscribe on YouTube and download today's companion workbook and reflection at our substack at the Ignitedlife dot Net. Now let's dive in with Adam Lane Smith. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide and your journey to creating an intentional life that matters. Now let that journey begin.
I am so excited today to welcome Adam Lane Smith the Passion Struck Adam, How are you doing today?

**Adam Lane Smith** (4:47)
I'm doing great today. Thank you? How you doing?