#410 Excellent Advice for Living

**David Senra** (0:00)
On my 68th birthday, I decided to give my young adult children some advice. I am not a frequent advice giver, but soon I was able to write down 68 bits. To my surprise, I had more to say than I thought. So for the next several years, I wrote down a batch of advice on my birthday and shared it with my family and friends. They wanted more. I kept going until I had about 450 bits of advice I wish I'd known when I was younger. I am primarily channeling the wisdom of the ages. I'm offering advice that I've heard from others, or timeless knowledge repeated from the past, or a modern aphorism that matched my own experience. I think of these bits as seeds because each one of them could easily be expanded into a long essay. Indeed, I have spent most of my time writing by compressing these substantial lessons into as compact and treatable forms as possible. You are encouraged to expand these seeds as you read to fill your own situation. If you find these proverbs align with your experience, share them with someone younger than yourself. That is an excerpt from the book I'm going to talk to you about today, which is Excellent Advice for Living, Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier, and it was written by Kevin Kelly. I was not planning to make an episode on this book. I randomly discovered this book from one of my friend's Instagram stories. I immediately bought it, downloaded it to my Kindle, and then read the entire thing in one sitting. And so I just want to run through the bits of advice that I highlighted. And then if anything came to mind, I made notes on it and I'll share those with you as well. The first maxim or aphorism that he has here is being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points. The next one is listening well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love, keep asking them, is there more until there is no more? I actually think there's a lot of these pieces of advice that he gives that work for both your personal and your work relationships. I think that one works for work as well. This one definitely works for work. Always demand a deadline because it weeds out the extraneous and the ordinary. A deadline prevents you from trying to make it perfect. So you have to make it different. Different is better. That is so important. It's actually one of the main points in Ed Catmull, who's the co-founder of Pixar. He wrote this great autobiography called Creativity, Inc. And what he knows, he says, without a deadline, people can always justify more time and more money in the name of making it better. There must be a cut by date. What is also fascinating is what Christopher Nolan said about this. A deadline is often a creative accelerator, not a creative killer, because it forces decisions. Christopher Nolan says his creative process ramps up exponentially when he knows the deadline is real and that this pressure helps you make decisions. The next one, when you forgive others, they may not notice, but you will heal. Forgiveness is not something we do for others. It's a gift to ourselves. Next one, don't measure your life with someone else's ruler. So when I read that, what popped to my mind is my favorite people that I've met that are like this, they're all playing an infinite game in their own way. They're not measuring their life with someone else's ruler. They found the game they want to play. They want to play the game forever. And they insist on playing the game their own way. So when I read this, two people popped to mind, Michael Dell and James Dyson. Read both of their autobiographies. It's very obvious they had no interest in ever measuring their life with someone else's ruler. The next bit of wisdom makes me think of Buffett and Munger. Collecting things benefits you only if you display your collection prominently and share it in joy with others. The opposite of this is hoarding. I'm rereading the 700-page biography of Warren Buffer right now called Snowball, and it is amazing, even from a very young age, how Buffett thought of himself as a teacher. And I love this idea. He collected a lot of information. He synthesized that information. He added his own input and perspective on that information. And then he spent an enormous amount of time sharing that knowledge and information with others. He was collecting valuable information, and then he displayed that collection prominently, mainly through his shareholder letters, but also through his talks, in joy with others. Another one, taking a break is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Another one, you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to. The next one is related to that. Why? It's kind of an exercise of futility. You can't reason someone out of a notion they didn't reason themselves into. The next one is one of my favorite ones. Gratitude will unlock all other virtues and is something you can get better at. I think it was Rick Rubin in one of the books that I read on him where he said you should practice gratitude like a daily prayer. And another thing that Rick Rubin would say in both those books too is like, hey, if we're going to do something, we might as well aim for greatness. I think the next bit of wisdom from Kevin Kelly kind of echoes that. The advantage of a ridiculously ambitious goal is that it sets the bar very high. So even if your effort falls short, it may exceed an ordinary success. This one, I know is true because I experience it all the time. The best way to learn anything is to try to teach what you know. There's so many times where I hear myself talking about a part of the book, and I have to stop myself. Wait a minute. I don't think I actually understand this. I need to go back to that. And then by trying to explain what I learned from reading to somebody else, I actually understand it deeper. The best way to learn anything is to try to teach what you know. Whenever you have a choice between being right or being kind, be kind, no exceptions. Don't confuse kindness with weakness. Next one, the best way to get to a yes in a negotiation is to truly understand what yes means for the other party. So before I sit down to talk to you, obviously read and reread and reread and reread the highlights over and over again. And the note I left myself probably the fourth or fifth time through reading these highlights was so a lot of the great advice that he has in this book is really just understanding how other people view things and the benefit of looking at it from their perspective and not being self-absorbed. He has a lot of different ways to say exactly that. The best way to get to understand somebody, the best way to get what you want, the best way to build a relationship is to put yourself in other people's shoes. If you're in a negotiation, understand what yes means for the other party. Next one, recipe for greatness. Become a teeny bit better than you were last year and repeat that every year. Here's another one whenever you can't decide which path to take, pick the one that produces change. Another great one, choose not to be outraged today. Kevin Kelly talks a lot about the importance of your habits. This is the very first time he mentions it. Habit is far more dependable than inspiration. Make progress by making habits. Don't focus on getting into shape. Focus on becoming the kind of person who never misses a workout. Rockefeller had a great metaphor on this. He says, habits are like ropes. We spin a rope every day and finally it's too thick to break. The ropes of habit either lead us to the peak or lead us to the trough. Bad habits are easy to develop but difficult to sever. Good habits are difficult to develop but they are easy to maintain. This next one is really important. Find smart people who will disagree with you. One of my smartest friends, he's developed a habit. Let me link these two together. He's developed a habit with me where he will just reiterate advice from founders back to me. So the other day, he called me because he noticed that I was trying to take an easy route on something that was important. And all he did to change my mind and really get me to change my behavior on this was he quoted Napoleon and Lyndon Johnson from Robert Caro's biographies on him. And he said, if you do everything, you will win. The conversation lasted maybe 60 seconds, maybe 90 seconds. It's like, all right, I got it. I got it. And I hung up the phone and I took the harder, better route, the route I should have taken to begin with. And that wouldn't have happened if I didn't find smart people that will disagree with me. This one I love, and I don't think I've heard before, the rule of three in conversation. To get to the real reason, ask a person to go deeper than what they just said, then again, and then once more. The third time's answer is the one that's closest to the truth. And then here's one on the importance of having dogged persistence. Pros make as many mistakes as amateurs. They just learn how to gracefully recover from their mistakes. The next one is one of my favorite things I've ever heard Kevin Kelly say, and I think about it all the time. Don't be the best, be the only. To me, the next one is the importance of just being a higher agency person than most people are. Everyone is shy. Other people are waiting for you to introduce yourself to them. They are waiting for you to send them an email. They are waiting for you to ask them on a date. Go ahead. Another one. The more you are interested in others, the more interesting they'll find you. To be interesting, be interested. Don't take it personally when someone turns you down. Assume they are like you, busy, occupied, distracted. Try again later. It's amazing how often a second try works. Then he goes back to the importance of habit. The purpose of a habit is to remove that action from self-negotiation. You no longer expend energy deciding whether to do it. You just do it. I heard Kobe Bryant talk about this one time where he would lay out his training program in writing for the summer before the summer started. And he said, the reason it's important to have it in writing is because, because it's so difficult, it is natural that when you come to a difficult part, you start to try to negotiate with yourself. He's like, oh, what if I did this or I could just skip this? He's like, nope, no negotiating. We wrote it down and we're sticking to it. There's several pieces of advice that Kevin Kelly has in the book about having high expectations for yourself and others. You lead by letting others know what you expect of them, which may exceed what they themselves expect. That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes I ever heard from Steve Jobs. He says, be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected. Next one, if you ask for someone's feedback, you'll get a critic. But instead, if you ask for advice, you'll get a partner. Next one, the golden rule will never fail you. It is the foundation of all other virtues. And I'm sure this is not what Kevin Kelly meant, but Rockefeller's business partner, Henry Flagler, had a sign that he kept on his desk that said, do unto others as they would do unto you and do it first. The next piece of advice is very again, Rick Rubin-esque. To make something good, just do it. To make something great, just redo it, redo it, redo it. The secret to making fine things is in remaking them. And then when Kevin said earlier that a lot of this is just advice that has been repeated through the ages, so many of the greatest thinkers talk about the importance of walking. It says expand your mind by thinking with your feet on a walk or with your hand in a notebook. Think outside of your brain. I love this, this is excellent advice. At first, buy the absolute cheapest tools you can find. Upgrade the ones that you use a lot. If you wind up using some tool for a job, buy the very best you can afford. When Kevin Kelly is saying to use the very best tools you can, that makes me think of the presenting sponsor of this podcast, Ramp. I spend a lot of time with the founders of Ramp and they have a relentless dedication to improving their product and their company. Nearly every conversation we have centers around their obsession with crafting a high quality product and using the latest technology to constantly create better experiences for their customers. Ramp has one of the most talented technical teams in finance and they use rapid relentless iteration to make their product better every day. In the last year, Ramp has shipped over 300 new features. Ramp is completely committed to using AI to make a better experience for their customers and to automate as much of your business' finances as possible. Many of the fastest growing and most innovative companies in the world are running their business on Ramp. Make sure you go to ramp.com to learn how they can help your business save time and money. Let AI chase your receipts and close your books, so you can use your time and energy building great things for your customers. Because at the end of the day, that is what this is all about, building a product or service that makes someone else's life better. Get started today by going to ramp.com. Here's another one that made me think of Steve Jobs again. He says, act like you belong there. There's advice that Nolan Bushnell, who is the founder of Atari and Steve Jobs' mentor, gave Steve Jobs when Steve was just 19 He says, I taught him that if you act like you can do something, then it will work. I told him, pretend to be completely in control and people will assume that you are. And this next one makes me think of Charlie Munger. Nothing elevates a person higher than taking responsibility for their mistakes. If you mess up, fess up. It's astounding how powerful this ownership is. Munger would talk about over and over again. Do not deny your mistakes. Don't externalize them. Don't wallow in them. You need to acknowledge them bluntly and then use them as fuel to improve your decision making. And he found it valuable to admit it plainly and even harshly to yourself. He says that he likes when people admit that they were complete stupid horses' asses. Kevin Kelly goes back to this idea of letting go of things, of not holding grudges or hatred. You're just poisoning yourself and not the other person. Hatred is a curse that does not affect the hated. It only poisons the hater. Release a grudge as if it were a poison. This is Excellent Advice for anybody trying to make a great product. You can obsess about your customers or you can obsess about beating the competition. Both work, but of the two, obsessing about your customers will take you further. And so I love this idea of asking which of these two options will actually take you further. This is something that Jeff Bezos would talk about over and over again. His view on this is obvious. He says that customer obsession takes you farther than competitor obsession because it compounds into a mode, it pushes you to invent proactively and keeps you oriented towards durable needs instead of reactive copycat behavior. And so for a lot of these, I would run these ideas through my own personal AI called Sage. I've told you about this before, but I have all my notes, all my highlights and all my transcripts in this database. And I just have my own personal AI assistant that's just trained on that and only that. And so I'm constantly asking questions as I read, or I'm preparing for the podcast. And this idea that these new ideas are fragile and you have to create an environment to protect them, or you'll kill them before they can develop is something that reappears over and over again. So this is what Kevin Kelly says about this. Separate the process of creating from improving. You can't write and edit or sculpt and polish or make and analyze at the same time. If you do, the editor stops the creator. While you invent, don't select. While you sketch, don't inspect. While you write the first draft, don't reflect. At the start, the creator mind must be unleashed from judgment. And so it's able to pull a bunch of these ideas from some of these podcasts I did, you know, seven, eight years ago. It's the value of keeping track of everything that you're doing. And so there's this guy named Charles Kettering. He was a great inventor, founder, and overall polymath. And he says, ideas grow very much like plants. When the shoots first come through the ground, they are quite tender and vulnerable. The proper care is very important. Ed Catmull, I re-referenced him, founder of Pixar. He says, originality is fragile. And in its first moments, it's often far from pretty. It is vulnerable and incomplete. And these ideas need nurturing in the form of time and patience, so they can grow. Henry Ford had a metaphor for this. He calls it the maternity ward. That you would need to treat a new program like a baby that must be locked up and protected until it can walk on its own. And then David Ogilvy said, ideas are magical, but they're fragile seeds that require protecting. Anything on the cutting edge needs to be constantly fought for and defended. New ideas are fragile, and new ideas need friends. Next piece of advice, if you're not falling down occasionally, you're just coasting. This next one reminds me of Henry Ford's great aphorism that money comes naturally as a result of service. Kevin Kelly writes, perhaps the most counterintuitive truth of the universe is that the more you give to others, the more you'll get. Understanding this is the beginning of wisdom. Next one, keep showing up. 99% of success is just showing up. Steve Jobs says, I'm convinced about half of what separates successful entrepreneurs from non-successful ones is pure perseverance. Next one, friends are better than money. Almost anything money can do, friends can do better. Next one, forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never get. See how many times he talks about this over and over again, about freeing yourself of this burden. I think this is tied to the wisdom that you get when you're, you have a lot of more experience and you're much older like Kevin Kelly is, because he also says, before you're old, attend as many funerals as you can bear and listen. Nobody talks about the departed's achievements. The only thing people will remember is what kind of person you were or while you were achieving. I just did, I just talked to John Mackey, who's the founder of Whole Foods for my new show, which is on my other podcast feed. It's called David Senra. If you don't already follow it, whatever you're listening to this, just search for David Senra and you can listen to this conversation. I mean, John Mackey, I think was fascinating. But after we finished the conversation, John gave me some advice. He said, David, when you're my age, you're not thinking about the 5,000th Whole Foods store. You think about the relationships you have with other people. This next one is just absolutely excellent. Anything real begins with the fiction of what could be. Imagination is therefore the most potent force in the universe. And you can get better at it. It's the one skill in life that benefits from ignoring what everyone else knows. It's amazing how many of these pieces of advice other entrepreneurs agree with and have arrived at the same conclusion. When crises strike, don't waste them. No problems, no progress. Michael Dell told me in the episode I did with him and on the David Senra feed. In our conversation, he says if you don't have a crisis, make one. You get people excited, motivated, and you drive the necessary change that you need in your business. Next one, when you get invited to do something in the future, ask yourself, would I do this tomorrow? Not too many promises will pass that immediacy filter. So I told you I was reading this book on Warren Buffett. And he was like to keep his his calendar very clear. So they give an example like let's say you want to see Buffett next week, he'd say call me the day before. And here we have Kevin Kelly saying, when you get invited to do something in the future, ask yourself, would I do this tomorrow? Next one, don't say anything about someone in an email you would not be comfortable saying to them directly because eventually it will reach them. This goes back to habits and actions. You are what you do, not what you say, not what you believe, not how you vote, but what you spend your time on. This is Steve Jobs' favorite quote was actually from Aristotle, who said, Aristotle once said, we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. Most of what's in the book I've heard in like one form or another before, this one is very new to me. I've never heard this one before. Rule of seven in research. You can find out anything if you're willing to go to seven levels. If the first source you ask doesn't know, ask them who you should ask next, and so on down the line. If you're willing to go to the seventh source, you'll almost always get your answer. This one I just forwarded it to a friend. I was dealing with somebody that was being quite nasty with them. And I said, when someone is nasty, hateful or mean towards you, treat their behavior like an affliction or illness they have. That makes it easier to have empathy towards them, which can soften the conflict. This one is about the benefit of naivete. Experience is overrated. Most breakthrough accomplishments were done by people doing them for the first time. Therefore when hiring, hire for aptitude and attitude, and then train for skills. This is how you apologize. Quickly, specifically, sincerely. Don't ruin an apology with an excuse. For the next one, the note I have is a hundred times longer than the actual maxim. Pay attention to incentives. The note is just this quote from Charlie Munger that I absolutely love. Charlie says, I think I've been in the top 5% of my age cohort almost all my adult life in understanding the power of incentives, and yet I've always underestimated that power. Never a year passes that I don't get some surprise that pushes a little further my appreciation of the incentive superpower. This maxim is a wise guide to a great and simple precaution in life. Never, ever think about something else when you should be thinking about the power of incentives. Perhaps the most important rule in management is get the incentives right. This one is great and could lead you to an unexpected career. The thing that made you weird as a kid could make you great as an adult if you don't lose it. For me, this was reading all the time when I was a kid. Master something. Through mastery of one thing, you'll command a viewpoint to steadily find where your bliss is. You are never too young to wonder why am I still doing this? You need to have an excellent answer. These are just great. Life gets better as you replace transactions with relationships. The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. To build strong children, reinforce their sense of belonging to a family by articulating exactly what it is that makes your family distinctive. They should say with pride, Our family does X. More great interpersonal advice. Outlaw the word U during domestic arguments. This too is excellent. I think, if you looked at all my notes, I think excellent, or this is excellent, is the one that just reappears over and over again. Over the long term, the future is decided by optimists. To be an optimist, you don't have to ignore the multitude of problems that we create. You just imagine how much our ability to solve problems improves.